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  • Best Dating Apps UK: From Flings to Forever…and all the Red Flags in Between

    These days, unless you fancy meeting your soulmate in Tesco’s meal deal aisle, dating apps are basically the only way to find someone. Gone are the rom-com meet-cutes; welcome to the digital meat market!

    Let’s be honest – the pickings aren’t exactly vintage. Between the endless selfies, vague bios, and cryptic first messages, it’s easy to get lost in the chaos that is online dating. You’ve got the “6ft tall” guy who’s actually 5’8” (and emotionally 4’11”), the ones who look suspiciously amphibian (sadly, a peck on the lips will not break the curse), and of course, the classic; people who are interested in just one thing, and it isn’t a long-term commitment.

    So here we are…scrolling, swiping, sipping wine, and praying that the next person doesn’t ghost, overshare, or open with “Hey”.

    Folks, welcome to modern dating; where red flags are everywhere and wine is the only coping strategy that makes sense.

    🚩 How to Spot Red Flags on a Dating App

    So, now that we’ve established the sad reality that most people on dating apps either have the personality of a brick wall, a face only a mother could love, or are laser-focused on one thing and one thing only…it’s time to talk ‘survival strategies’.

    Enter: the red flag zone. Think of them as the corks on those questionable bottles of wine. Spot them early, and you save yourself the headache, the regret, and the awkward brunches explaining why you’re still single.

    P.S. if there are any men reading this…take notes

    Here are my Top 12 Dating Profile Red Flags to look out for:

    1. The empty bio
      Either a catfish, a commitment-phobe, or someone who thinks ‘6ft tall’ is a personality trait. Spoiler…they are also NOT 6ft tall.
    2. Too many group photos
      Why are you hiding, Joe? Am I dating you or your five gym bros? Cue the instant disappointment when you scroll to find he is the runt of the litter…
    3. Pics with mostly girls
      Sir, this isn’t a scrapbook or a competition. These are not ‘green flag vibes’ because now I’m just wondering which one your ex is!
    4. Overuse of the phrase “Looking for a vibe”
      Red flag. That “vibe” is code for “I’ll ghost you in 48 hours, or less.”
    5. Weirdly negative or bitter prompts
      “Don’t swipe if you’re boring.” “Don’t swipe if you have an android.” “Don’t swipe if you drink gin”…Like, okay pal, first of all this screams emotional immaturity and second of all – therapy is that way ➡
    6. The shirtless Gym Selfie
      If your first impression is six-pack central, chances are the personality is on backorder. You are going to want to dodge this one my love.
    7. Bio full of clichés
      “I love adventures, laughter, and good vibes.” Translation: I literally have nothing interesting to say and most likely snort when I laugh.
    8. Only mentions alcohol, parties, or drugs
      If their life summary is “drink, party, repeat,” the only commitment they’re after is the table in the local bar.
    9. Obsession with their pet…to the point of WEIRD!
      Your dog is cute, we get it. But if the pet has its own dating profile, run. Also avoid any sign of “She’s a beauty…dog’s cute too”
    10. Cryptic job or lifestyle descriptions
      “Entrepreneur”, “Owner”, or “Traveller of Souls” = either unemployed, in a pyramid scheme, or hiding something (probably everything).
    11. Immediate talk of moving in, marriage or kids
      Red flag. If your first conversation is life goals at warp speed, slow down, partner – the wine isn’t even poured yet! Anyone who is in a rush is not deserving to be a crush.
    12. They have a voicenote on their profile
      Voicenotes on a profile are basically pre-emptive icks. If I can’t even get past your mate gassing you up for 10 seconds, how am I supposed to get through a date?       If I wanted recommendations, I’d check TripAdvisor. Bonus flag if it’s themselves talking about their ‘greatest strength’.

    If you fancy a more in-detail read on some red flag tragedies, click here to read my blog on the most common dating fails!

    🎯 Choosing the Right App for Your Dating Goals

    We’ve talked ‘red flags’, now let’s talk about where to look for the green ones!

    Of course, not all apps are created equal. Some are basically breeding grounds for the colour rouge, while others at least give you a fighting chance to meet someone who doesn’t list “living rent-free at my mum’s” as a personality trait.

    Let’s be clear, whether you’re after a husband or just a harmless fling, both are completely valid…provided you’re on the right app. Think of it like wine; you wouldn’t pair a £4 corner shop rosé with a Michelin star meal, and you shouldn’t use the wrong app for the wrong goal.

    Here’s your UK dating app cheat-sheet:

    💋 Fling / One-Night Stand

    • Tinder – The boxed wine of dating apps
      • Cheap, everywhere, and sometimes exactly what you need at 1 a.m. Great for a fling, a short-term distraction, or a quick ego boost. Not ideal for serious relationships or indeed marriage material. If you’re looking for a husband, I’d put this one back on the shelf.
    • Grindr – Tequila shot energy
      • Fast, direct, and no-frills. Primarily for gay, bi, trans, and queer people, it’s fantastic for hookups and flings. Not ideal if you’re after a long-term relationship, but perfect if your goal is quick, clear fun.
    • Happn – Spritz of prosecco:         
      • Serendipitous, local encounters – bubbly, light, and spontaneous. Great for flings or short-term fun, if you like a little chance encounter with your neighbour…or someone you crossed paths with at Pret. Again though, not the best for longer-term but you never know!

    🔥 Short-Term / Casual Dating

    • Bumble – Rosé in a can:       
      • Light, playful, slightly more intentional than Tinder. Somewhat empowering because women message first, but can mean a mixed bag of emotional availability. Good for short-term dating, weekend fun or potential long term depending on your mood!
    • Hinge – Supermarket Malbec:   
      • Reliable and solid. Great if you want someone casual that could evolve into a “for a bit” situation. Make sure you select and display your ‘dating goals’ and you should (emphasis on should) find some like-minded matches!
    • OkCupid – Quirky Pinot:                                    
      • Fun, brainy, and full of personality tests. Casual dating with a side of conversation (ish). However, I would stick to low expectations, maybe a try before you buy approach! There is limited awareness on this one and I fear it is for a reason.

    💑 Long-Term / Boyfriend-for-a-Bit

    • Hinge – UPGRADED Restaurant Malbec:
      • It markets itself as “the app designed to be deleted”, so in essence it should be long-term focused. It seems the most popular, if you can get past prompts like “Dating me is like…” (spoiler: it’s never funny). Good if you’re looking for a proper relationship, or at least someone who owns more than one pillow.
    • Bumble – UPGRADED Rosé in a bottle:
      • So a bit more effort on this one can lead to more success in the long-term department. Key feature here is to be open about what you’re looking for. Think: if their bio is ‘here for a good time not a long time’ they are not for you. If it is more like ‘looking for my person’, drop them a cheeky pick up line and state your intent. No room for beating around the dating bush…just get in there girl!

    💍 Marriage / Serious Commitment

    • eHarmony – Full-bodied Cabernet Sauvignon:
      • Slow to sip but worth it. Compatibility quizzes are long and a little tedious, but if you’re marriage-minded, this one delivers depth, stability, and serious long-term potential. Paid service, so expect a more committed (and slightly older) crowd.
    • Match.com – Classic Champagne:
      • The OG. Old-school, refined, and consistently reliable. Less chaotic than the younger apps, perfect if you want a sparkling, long-term relationship without the hangover of nonsense. Again, it’s only option is a subscription, and usually attracts a slightly older, more settled audience.

    🌀 Adventure / Alternative Relationships

    • Feeld – Organic Variety Wine:
      • Perfect for the adventurous. This is where people go when “vanilla” feels like a personal insult. Open-minded, poly-curious, situationships galore. Fantastic if your goal is exploration, less so if your mum’s already asking when she’s getting grandkids and certainly not one for discussion at the sunday roast.

    🍷 Sip, Swipe, Repeat

    So there you have it, a full rundown of red flags and dating app varieties, from fizzing flings to full-bodied forever options. Whether you’re dodging the “just here for the vibes” crew or swiping with serious intentions, the main takeaway is simple: know what you want, pick the right app, and never settle for cheap wine… or bad dates.

    Remember, don’t listen to your Nan…being single is not a disgrace upon your family! Everything happens in good time and the right fling, relationship, or “let’s see where this goes” situation will come along. And until they arrive? There’s always a good glass of wine, a cosy sofa, and maybe a cheeky scroll through the next app where someone will definitely have a weird bio and some cringey captions. 

    On that note…

     🍷Today’s Wine Pairing is…

    A good ol’ Cava – festive, bubbly, and hopeful. Because even with red flags everywhere, there’s always a little sparkle left for love…or at least a cheeky swipe.

    CHEERS to laughing through the tears and doing it for the plot!

    Until next time…

    H x

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  • From Gaslighter Grenache to Love-Bombing Lambrusco: The 5 Wines I Wish I’d Sent Back

    Modern dating is basically a wine tasting with no spittoon. You sip, you swirl, you pretend to detect “notes of emotional maturity,” and then BOOM…you’re halfway through a bottle of red flag and wondering how it all went so wrong.

    We’ve all sipped from the same disappointing cups: the Gaslighter who made you question reality, the Ghoster who disappeared faster than your self-esteem, the Breadcrumbing ex who served just enough crumbs to keep you starving, and the Love-Bomber who came on strong and fizzled even faster.

    Think of this as your unofficial tasting guide – a breakdown of the five most common dating blends that leave a bitter aftertaste with a few sprinkled anecdotes to add some flavour! 

    So take a seat, have a sip, but drink with caution. These are the vintages best left unopened…

    🍷1. The Ghosting Gamay

    • Appearance: Bright and full of potential.
    • Aroma: Sweet nothings and “can’t wait to see you” promises.
    • Taste: Rich and exciting…then completely vanishes.
    • Finish: Cold, flat silence and obsessive stalking on our end.

    Notes: Starts strong with intense belief that this is the one, then disappears entirely. Pairs well with late night over-analysis and checking if they’ve watched your Instagram story.

    Yes, I know the army has a reputation for being emotionally unavailable and driven entirely by testosterone, but this one seemed…different. We spoke every day, he drove two hours to see me, a good fish in a sea of sharks, right? Wrong. My mother insists his phone was run over by a tank. I, on the other hand, am convinced he’s just deliberately MIA.

    Has it happened more than once? Yes.
    Is it my fault? Absolutely not.                                                                               Will it happen again? Almost certainly.

    🍷2. The Bread~crumbing Beaujolais

    • Appearance: Light and flirty with a youthful glow.
    • Aroma: Sweet compliments but no real substance.
    • Taste: Promises of dates and future plans that never arrive.
    • Finish: Frustratingly dry and vaguely humiliating.

    Notes: Just enough sweet messages to keep you hooked, but never enough for an actual date. Finish is long, drawn-out, and unsatisfying.

    There’s only so many “You’re gorgeous” and “How’s your day?” texts one girl can live off. So desperate times, desperate measures folks. Enter, the month long text-a-thon with a man who’s personality consists of a DUI. Bad boy charm, I told myself. We joked about dates, we joked about him being “passenger princess”, I even chose to ignore the fact he was using his passport as his ID (ick). Turns out, the only thing he was actually driving was my patience.

    Still, when someone calls you Angel Eyes, you temporarily lose your brain cells.

    🍷3. The Red Flag Rosé

    • Appearance: So pretty you ignore the alarm bells.
    • Aroma: “I’m still in love with my ex” and faint denial of personal growth.
    • Taste: Equal parts flattery and oversharing, with undertones of emotional damage.
    • Finish: Lingering unease with notes of “wtf just happened?”

    Notes: Perfection on the surface, but overwhelming hints of ‘toxic masculinity’ and ‘doesn’t believe in therapy’. Leaves you with: a migraine, a dodgy stomach, and a complimentary pen from his work van. Romantic.

    The meet-cute was perfect, like a classic 00s romcom. He knocked on my door, toolbox in hand, the angels sang and the heavens opened. I was convinced I’d won the love lottery. But by date five, the red flags I’d been ignoring were practically flashing like a neon ‘Danger’ sign above his head. He showed me photos of his ex…and the woman he cheated on her with, then casually mentioned schizophrenia runs in the family and he’s “pretty convinced” he has it too.

    The pièce de résistance? His grandmother was murdered by gypsies – his words, “it’s not ideal, but I didn’t really know her.”

    🍷4. The Love-Bombing Lambrusco

    • Appearance: Sparkling, exciting, and a bit too polished.
    • Aroma: Overpowering sweetness and intense flattery.
    • Taste: Flowers, gifts, and daily affirmations – until the bubbles go flat.
    • Finish: Cringe flashbacks, height-related denial, and emotional whiplash.

    Notes: Fun, bubbly, and full-on in the beginning but then suddenly flat and a little sour. Best enjoyed in moderation, if at all.

    He told me on the first date he was a love bomber. That should’ve been my cue to swan-dive out the nearest window. Instead, I stayed. I got the flowers, the gifts, the “good morning beautiful” texts, the promises of sailing away into a new life. The dopamine hits were too much to resist and enough to forgive the 4-inch height difference.

    Did I ever get on the boat? No.
    Did I get a Bridget Jones marathon with Ben & Jerry? Absolutely.

    🍷5. Gaslighter Grenache

    • Appearance: Dark and confusing, but deceptively smooth on the surface.
    • Aroma: Notes of charm layered over emotional manipulation.
    • Taste: “I never said that,” with hints of twisting words and guilt trips. 
    • Finish: Lingering self-doubt and a sudden craving for therapy.

    Notes: Overpowering aroma of “it’s not me, it’s you” with a bitter aftertaste of you questioning your sanity. Best avoided, even if it’s on a 2-for-1 deal.

    Picture this: you drive over an hour because they called you crying, sad and lonely, and no one can fix it but you. You stop for snacks, M&S finest, despite your 50p bank balance, because you’re a literal legend. First words? “How come you’re here?” First blow. Second blow: “I’m not really hungry, but you can eat them” Sour notes begin. Finally, “I’m fine to be honest, kind of just want to be alone, I feel like you’re making this a big thing, not me.”

    Not just gaslighting… oh no. This is M&S Gaslighting.

    🍷 The Finisher: Sip Smarter Next Time

    Look, we’re all guilty of drinking from the wrong bottle now and then. Sometimes it’s because we’re lonely, sometimes it’s because they have really nice arms but really terrible boundaries. And sometimes we just want to believe the luxurious label even when the ingredients scream “artificial flavouring”!

    But here’s the thing: every bad pour, teaches you something.

    • You learn to trust your gut when the “aroma” feels off.
    • You learn that love shouldn’t leave you dehydrated and dizzy (unless it’s from laughter or a decent wine).
    • You learn that your standards are not too much, and wanting clarity, effort, and kindness is not asking for a Grand Cru in an Echo Falls world.
    • And maybe most importantly, you learn that the worst dates usually make the best stories…and the best blog content.

    So go ahead, pour it all out, but don’t forget to raise your glass to how far you’ve come. 

    You’re not bitter, you’re just well-aged.

    On that note…

    🍷 Today’s Wine Pairing is…

    A 250ml pour of La Vieille Ferme Rosé (AKA Chicken Wine) –because sometimes it’s ok to let a fancy label hide a cheap price and a bitter taste!

    CHEERS to sipping smarter, loving louder, and knowing when to spit, not swallow;)

    See you on Tuesday for a 2-post week!🍷

    H x

  • What the hell am I doing here?

    So, here we are folks – the first post… GULP!

    First of all: thank you. For being here, for reading, for taking even 2 seconds of interest in this little endeavor. If you’re wondering what on earth this blog is all about, have a peek at the About the Blog page, it’ll give you a quick idea of what we think we’re doing.

    But if you’re ready (wine in hand), let’s pour straight into this week’s whine:

    5 Things I Thought I’d Have Figured Out by Now… !

    I don’t know about you, but when I was a scrawny teen, I really thought at 25 my adulthood would be more…adult-y. You know; meal prepping, financially NOT relying on my parents, a functioning sleep schedule, regular workouts. Instead, I’m sitting here at 10pm. I just got back from a £7 pint at the local. I’m eating toast for dinner. I’m googling “Did the royal family kill Diana?” and “Why is my peace lily brown?”

    Relatable? I do hope so. And in the spirit of honesty, here’s a non-exhaustive list of things I definitely thought I’d have figured out by now…but absolutely don’t:

    💸 1. How to Budget Like a Grown-Up
    OK, realistically, how many “money pots” does one adult need to feel financially competent? I’ve got countless in Monzo. Each has less than a fiver. Each silently judges me. Every month they congratulate me via notifications that say: “You’ve spent 20% less than last month!” Yeah – because I have 20% less money to spend than last month. Sadly, my credit card doesn’t send such supportive messages.

    ❤️ 2. Dating for Marriage
    How are we supposed to meet people without apps?     And on the apps, why is everyone holding a fish? I thought by now I’d have mastered flirting that doesn’t involve memes or panic-typing “aha yeah same.” Instead, I’m ghosted by someone named Brad who thinks “u up?” is romantic.

    🪴 3. ‘Self-Care’ and ‘Wellness’ Without Crying
    Meditation, journaling, yoga, cold plunges…I’ve tried them all. My idea of wellness now? Putting my phone on “Do Not Disturb” and lying face down in a dark room until the existential dread passes. Self-care, but make it realistic.

    📧 4. Email Etiquette
    How does one even sign off an email? “Kind regards”? “Best wishes”? “Cheers”? Or do we just accept that an unhinged emoji might be the only honest choice? And don’t even get me started on subject lines. Nobody cares. I don’t care. And Claire – what is this? An email? A riddle? A cry for help? Whatever it is, I don’t think I’m qualified.

    😬 5. Social Energy
    Balancing wanting to see people with wanting to live in a blanket cave is a full-time job. Add the budget woes, and suddenly “going out” feels like a luxury experience. Even stepping outside costs £50 these days. Next thing you know it’s 10pm, we’ve lost the pub quiz we paid to enter, I’m eating toast for dinner again, and wondering how life spiralled like this.

    BUT, fear not fellow whiners, we’re all just winging it, pretending we’ve got our sh*t together while secretly panicking over council tax bills, car insurance and overthinking that time we ended a work call with ‘love you, bye’. 

    🛟 So, What’s The Coping Strategy?

    It’s fairly simple.

    Lower. Your. Standards. Read. This. Blog

    If any of these sound painfully familiar, you’re in the right place. Around here, we whine about daily life, love and dating fails, work woes, wellness attempts, and all the awkward stuff in between. So, grab a glass, join The Whinery, and let’s wing adulthood together.

    On that note…

    🍷 Today’s Wine Pairing is…

    A tall glass of Pinot Noir – it’s low effort, pairs well with regret-snacking, and honestly, it’s a good listener.

    CHEERS EVERYONE, to figuring it all out (eventually).

    See you next Friday for another whine!

    H x

    What About You?

    What’s something you thought you’d have figured out by now, but still haven’t?
    Drop it in the comments (or send me a message on the Contact page).