We all have them, those little unpopular opinions that make people look at you like you’ve just insulted their Nan. Mine? I don’t like matcha. There, I’ve said it. The wellness world can keep its frothy green potion – I’ll be over here with my tea, my wine, and my dignity intact.
🍵 The Green Gospel
In the past five years, matcha has somehow gone from a centuries-old Japanese tea ceremony to infiltrating cafés up and down the UK. It’s in ceramic bowls, overpriced lattes, doughnuts that were perfectly fine before they were green, and it’s usually served by someone with frosted tips and a tragic devotion to oat milk. You can find it everywhere, from Shoreditch, to Leeds, to every motorway station down the M5! We’re told it’s ‘earthy’ – which, in non-wellness terms, means it tastes like wet lawn. Aspirational? Hardly.
😬 My Polite Sip of Doom
I tried. Honestly, I did. I once sat in a painfully minimalist café in Bristol, watching the barista spend five full minutes whisking my matcha like it was a potion to end the cost of living crisis. I took a sip, smiled as best I could, and said, “Ooh, that’s… different.” What I actually meant was, “Why does my tongue feel like I’ve licked a hedge?” Of course I finished it, because I’m British, and politeness matters more than personal comfort. But in truth, if I wanted something green in a mug, I’d just let my tea bag sit there for a fortnight.
🧘♀️ The Cult of Wellness
Modern wellness culture would have you believe that if you’re not sipping something green and banging on about antioxidants, you’re doing life wrong. There’s this unspoken pressure that to be considered “well” you must love yoga, drink kale smoothies, and massage rosemary oil into your scalp before bed. But self care doesn’t have to mean choking down something that tastes like garden trimmings just because your Instagram feed says it’s trending. Sometimes a proper mug of tea, a chocolate digestive, and a bit of fresh air can do more for your soul than any powdered leaf…and none of them require a bamboo whisk!
🌿 My Affordable, Totally Un-Instagrammable Wellness Routine
So, if I’m not drinking Matcha, what the heck am I doing for self-care nowadays…
- Morning Hydration:
Start the day with a big glass of tap water, straight from the kitchen sink. Bonus wellness points if drunk from a chipped mug. - Mindful Movement:
Instead of sunrise yoga, I shuffle to the corner shop in my slippers to buy a loaf of bread and some more loo roll. It’s cardio if you walk fast enough. - Superfood Breakfast:
Two slices of toast with real butter, maybe an egg for protein! No avocado, no chia seeds, no mysterious powders unless you count the icing sugar still hanging around the kitchen from last Christmas. - Skin Care Ritual:
Moisturise with Baby Lotion, put toothpaste on spots, and use whatever’s left of that face mask I bought in 2019. If it tingles, it’s working! - Lunchtime Meditation:
Sit in the garden, stare at nothing in particular, and soak in the chaos of children screaming and the faint hum of someone practicing the drums two doors down. Very grounding. - Afternoon Pick-Me-Up:
A cuppa and a biscuit. Or a cake. No matcha latte for me – unless the matcha is hiding inside a chocolate digestive. - Evening Detox:
A glass (or two) of New Zealand Sauvignon while having a whine with friends. Laughter burns calories, apparently. - Bedtime Ritual:
Remove makeup with the cheapest wipes from the supermarket, put on my oldest moth-hole pyjamas, and sleep like someone who didn’t spend £80 on a candle to “aid restfulness.”
And the best part…not a single one of these involves pulverised leaves that cost more than my weekly lunch budget.
🛋️ Confessions from the Comfort Zone
Let’s be honest, we’ve all politely endured a wellness fad we secretly hated. Cold showers. Kale smoothies. Yoga in a draughty church hall. My advice, if you’re after something green-but-good, skip the matcha and reach for a crisp New Zealand Sauvignon instead. It’s fresh, fruity, and the only “grassy notes” are the pleasant, drinkable kind.
And listen, if you genuinely love matcha, that’s fine. I’ll admire your commitment from over here with my wine glass. Equally, if you’re with me on this unpopular opinion, or if you occasionally fall off your carefully curated wellness journey, in favour of biscuits and binge-watching, that’s fine too. This is life. Do what you enjoy, have a laugh while you’re at it… and, if you value your taste buds, maybe don’t drink matcha.
On that note…
🍷 Today’s Wine Pairing is…
A generously measured glass of New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc – giving you all the green vibes without any of the bitterness.
CHEERS to doing wellness your own way!
See you on Friday for more!🍷
H x
Whine and Wine 